My Reality

What would you do if your whole world turned upside down if everything you believe was actually false and everything you didnt believe was actually true.The things you see and touch and do may not be real you know where do we get our conception's of what is real. Thats what worries me i dont really know whats real. I feel like maybe when i die I'll realize what's real I'll realize that I'm dead now that'll be real or atleast thats what i believe. My realities blurred when i was younger it was so cut and dry this is real this isnt dont worry about this because it isn't real you know. Nowawadays i'm not not really sure of whats real there's only a few things i know thats real for a fact thats concrete harder than anything else, unbreakable and always will be but really i dont know if I'm real anymore i think maybe i'm just a creation of everyone else like maybe I'm just being imprinted upon but sometimes i do feel like I'm a creation of myself like i've completly created myself no one else can claim this, no one can have that kind of power over me i wont let them if they try and claim it I can promise them they'll be in for way more than they ever imagined. I'm pretty good at deducing truth's because of the mere fact i hate deceptions. Sometimes i feel thats a bad thing because i question everything i persecute it and interoggate it untill it hates me and tells me the truth out of spite, i guess it just really hurts I value truth alot and so much of life is a deception, but what is truth really if i live like this does it mean anything honestly if I'm pushing things so hard just to get to what is really true the core of the apple you might say, if I'm pushing these things over and over eventually they'll break or confirm my belief's which is a terrible thing. Why am i so concerned with these truth's? because i NEED to know the truth even if it destroys me i have to know the truth of it. I also want to know because i dont want to be living in a deception i want everything to be real and if it's not the truth it's just not real don't fool yourself into a lie because thats not real it's not living but then again who knows whats real and whats not but i know whats real for me and i have to know the truth to keep these things real for me.